Joe Jonas has decided that Taylor Swift is The One Who Got Away, even if she's also The One Who Wrote Those Mean Songs And Embarrassed Him on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Also, Lil Wayne got close to selling a milli, Kesha is an animal ambassador and Justin Bieber may heroically prevent legions of teenage texters from working their thumbs while on the road. Maybe.
• Joe Jonas has a new solo album coming out next month, so unnamed sources are getting ballsy with their quote dropping. That must be how Us Weekly ended up with the headline "Joe Jonas Wants Taylor Swift Back."
The quote in question: "He wants to show her he's a changed man and would love to see what's possible between them." Additional evidence: Joe was in the audience at Taylor's San Jose concert on September 1.
Nevermind that when they first broke up in 2008, Taylor rode the winds of breakup sympathy all the way to the top of the charts, albeit with the help of some clever songwriting. Disney types are such stunt queens.
• Lil' Wayne may not have cleared a milli' in his first week of Tha Carter IV sales, but he still has cause to celebrate. Not only did Weezy move 964,000 copies—way more than Kanye West and Jay-Z's relentlessly hyped Watch the Throne did earlier this summer—he managed to do so despite unfortunately timed Internet leakage. Wondering what Lil' Wayne's victory dance looks like? Hit the 0:27 mark in this video:
• Madonna's rep Liz Rosenberg insists that her client "didn't diss Gaga" when she allegedly told French mag Le Soir, ""As for Lady Gaga, I have no comment to make about her obsessions having to do with me because I don't know whether her behavior is rooted in something deep and meaningful, or superficial."
Rosenberg hasn't exactly denied that Madonna made that statement, just that it wasn't a diss. Uh huh.
She did, however, comment on the video of Madonna serving up severe eye-roll to a hydrangea-doling fan earlier this week (if you haven't heard, Madonna absolutely loatheshydrangeas): "The hydrangea incident is so ridiculous...It's not like she said she hated warm chocolate chip cookies and milk and little puppies!"
Oh, if only that were the point.
• An intruder in Celine Dion's Quebec mansion decided he'd just chill out, have a snack and a quick bath before he was caught descending the (no doubt enormous, gilded) staircase by law enforcement officers. A spokesman says Daniel Bedard's first words upon being caught were, "Hey, what are you guys doing here?"
• Kesha might wear necklaces strung with her fans' baby teeth, but she won't wear fur. On Wednesday, the Humane Society International announced they'd selected the trash-diving singer as the organization's first Global Ambassador. The singer stated:I am honored to be the first HSI Global Ambassador because my music is inspired by the freedom and primal beauty of animals and the natural world. I take this opportunity incredibly seriously because we are ALL animals. One of the main underlying sentiments of my music is to respect all living creatures just as they are. I believe that together, we can change laws that allow innocent animals to be unjustly mistreated and abused all over the world.
Kesha—who loves her some glitter makeup—is hoping to help pass legislation to help end cosmetic testing on animals in the EU.
• Justin Bieber spent his Labor Day filming a PSA warning against the dangers of texting and driving. He's Canadian so he probably isn't allowed to celebrate that holiday anyway. He's just got to wait for Boxing Day.
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